So last night it finally hit me. I have a weekend with no real plans. I cleaned as much as I could. Browsed some books, but by 8-ish I was bored and lonely. I took the opportunity to use that as a moment to reflect on myself. Am I really that insecure that I can't handle one night alone?
The answer is no. I realized that I've been lonely for the last 6 months in my marriage and that this is only my first night in the last 2 weeks in the new place where my circumstances reflect my feelings. Home all alone with nothing to do.
For some reason I got to missing my cousin who passed away several years ago. I pulled out all the sentimental momentos and eventually it led me to a place where I realized that I'm just in a growing phase right now. I'm growing back into myself in a way that I never really allowed myself to before. Before I always seemed to surround myself with friends or a significant other that I always used as a mold for how I was as a person.
Now I have the freedom to choose who I am, what I surround myself with and my likes and dislikes. I enjoy it, but it is strange and different. Sort of like my experience with my new Wal-Mart. Since my move I've had to change Wal-Marts and I explored my new one a bit last night and it was strange and different, but overall I know in time I'll prefer it over the old Wal-Mart, it's just going to take some time.
No comments:
Post a Comment